Words of Wisdom and Folly
by and about
Barbers and Hair

Image of a Barber & Barbee Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.
Daniel S. Greenberg

Barber's Maxim: You can only scalp a customer once, but you can give him a haircut every two weeks.

Work Rule: Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any form, or frequents pool and public halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop, will give me good reasons to suspect his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.

Barbers first learn to shave by shaving fools.

A barber is the only person whose conversation you can follow, even though he talks over your head.

A commuter shaves and takes the train, and then rides back to shave again.
E. B. White

You can learn to draw cartoons with this book

  You have to be as fully prepared for the dull game as you are for the great game, or else you won't be prepared for the great one.
Red Barber

You're only as good as your last haircut.
Susan Lee

So long as gray hairs can be counted, they don't count.

Anti-Victim Device (AVD):
A small fashion accessory worn on an otherwise conservative outfit which announces to the world that one still has a spark of individuality burning inside: 1940s retro ties and earrings (on men), feminist buttons, noserings (women), and now almost completely extinct teeny weeny rattail haircut (both sexes).
Douglas Coupland, Generation X

Two heads are better than one, especially in a barber shop.

Any man who argues with his barber should have his head examined.

A barber will give you a quick shave if you haven't time to listen to a haircut.

Pity the poor barber who cuts hair all day long, then has to go home and mow the lawn.

I never knew the old gentlemen with the scythe and hour-glass bring anything but grey hairs, thin cheeks, and loss of teeth.
John Dryden

I'd love to, but I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin

And thou, son of man, take thee a sharp knife, take thee a barber's razor, and cause it to pass upon thine head, and upon thy beard.
Book of Ezekiel, Chap. 5, Verse 1.

Opportunity has hair in front, but behind she is bald; if you seize her by the forlock, you may hold her, but if suffered to escape, not Jupiter himself can catch her again.

During middle age, a man gets less for his money every time he goes to the barber.

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Beware the woman who starts stroking your hair...she may be after your scalp.

When a woman worries too much about gray hair, she sometimes turns blond overnight.

Rebellion Postponement:
The tendency in one's youth to avoid traditionally youthful activities and artistic experiences in order to obtain serious career experience. Sometimes results in the mourning for lost youth at about age thirty, followed by silly haircuts and expensive joke-inducing wardrobes.
Douglas Coupland, Generation X

A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face, and terror to an ugly one.

The very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Book of Matthew, chap. 10 verse 30

Our heads are some brown, some black, some auburn, and some bald.
Shakespeare, Coriolanus.

Santa Claus wears a Red Suit,
He must be a communist.
And a beard and long hair,
Must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie

Never get up in the morning with a long face, or you will have that much more to shave.

A hair in the head is worth two in the brush.

The good die young, and the old dye for various reasons.

Both sexes have their hair problems. With women it's tint, with men it's 'tain't.

Still, no matter what Webster's says, to me a date is going out with a guy you like, and he opens the doors for me, and I comb my hair and try to be civilized. A date is planned out in advance, so you have plenty of time to get nervous about it.
Thumper in alt.romance

The first [barbers] that entered Italy came out of Sicily and it was in the 454 year after the foundation of Rome...The first that was shaven every day was Scipio Africanus, and after him cometh Augustus the Emperor, who evermore used the rasor.
Pliny the Elder, Historia Naturalis, book vii, section 59

That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.

The 80's - when you couldn't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.

The degree of a country's development is measured by the ratio of the price of an automobile to that of the cost of a haircut. The lower the ratio, the higher the degree of development.
Professor Charles P. Issawi

I must to the barber's, monsieur, for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face.
Shakespeare, A Midsummer-Night's Dream

When one barber cuts another barber's hair, which one does all the talking?

The man who worries about his hair getting thin, would worry much more if it started getting fat.

There's nothing rarer than hearing a person admit that his gray hair isn't premature.

You are old, father William, the young man said,
And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head -
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

In my youth, father William replied to his son,
I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.
Lewis Carrol

Bald, n: hairing impaired

If your hair starts to trouble you, don't worry...it will come out all right.

The woman who can't do anything with her hair, could do even less without it.

Here is a book how to Make Women Laugh and Fall in Love

Baby's heads have no hair,
Old men's heads are just as bare;
Between the cradle and the grave,
Lies a haircut and a shave.

You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.

Remember the generational battles twenty years ago? Remember all the screaming at the dinner table about haircuts, getting jobs and the American dream? Well, our parents won. They're out living the American dream on some damned golf course in Vero Beach, and we're stuck with the jobs and haircuts.
P. J. O'Rourke

And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honeydew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
"Kubla Khan", Samuel Taylor Coleridge

The only thing that can stop falling hair is a floor.

Many a youngster's ambition is to grow a beard as soon as he's old enough not to shave.

I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair.
Tom Sharp

Well lathered is half shaven.
Thomas Fuller

I know I'm going to get old and be one of those crazy women who sits on balconies and spits on people and screams, 'Get a haircut!' I know this, and I don't really fear it. I'd just like to move toward it with as much grace and dignity as possible.
Carrie Fisher (b.1956), Postcards From the Edge

Everything comes to the man who waits, including a beard.

Men with hair in the daytime are overdressed.
Joe Garagiola

A man usually shaves his face in the morning when it's his mind that's fuzzy.

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.

It seems these two Airmen decided to rob the local 7-11, a stupid move in and of itself. But wait, its stupid to rob a store when you're in the military 'cause the haircut will give you away every time. But wait again, its even stupider to do it in UNIFORM with you NAME emblazoned in 1 inch letters on the front. But wait yet again, its even stupider to tie up the clerk and try and ring up customers' purchases from behind the register while in uniform outside an Air Force base. Especially when your first customer is a Chief Master Sgt.

I am my hair.
Woman overheard by Roy Blount, Jr.

But he shaved with a shell when he chose,
'Twas the manner of primitive man.
Andrew Lang, Double Ballad of Primitive Man
(appeared in Cotgrave's French-English Dictionary, published in 1611)

Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit; sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
Gretchen Schmidt's entry in San Jose State's bad writing contest, 1989

I'm not really bald. I'm a hair donor.
Clifford Kuhn

Ever hear of those nights when you didn't want to go out but your hair looked too good to stay home?
Jack Simmons

You might be a redneck...if your wife's hairdo was ever destroyed by a ceiling fan.

Sam Cohen was a very successful barber whose tonsorial shop happened to be located next door to a bowling alley. Cohen became enamoured with the sport and was determined to get his score over 200 so he began spending more time bowling than barbering. He had started a game with 6 consecutive strikes one afternoon when the political boss of the county tracked him down and demanded an immediate shave. Cohen indignantly pushed him aside, declaring firmly, ..."A bowling Cohen lathers no boss."

The best reason I can think of for not being President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.
Adlai Stevenson

The most delightful advantage of being bald is that you can hear snowflakes.
R. G. Daniels

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